9.11.99

“Today would be have been my 22nd wedding anniversary. It’s a weird day for me. It’s a monumental day for our country. It’s hard for it to slip by without me noticing. And all the flags remind me of how 5 years, 9 months, and 19 days later, the police chief laid a folded one in my lap as I sat graveside in the unbearable summer heat. It’s a day that reminds me of overwhelming loss.

I can’t escape it. And I’m so thankful that I’ve never tried to. It’s really difficult to ignore the story of my life unfolding. It’s also not very healthy. I learned early to take every single day just as it comes.

And this week, an old friend passed away. He was also a devoted officer and awesome guy. He and I go way back. And I didn’t realize that I would take his death so incredibly hard. I keep thinking about his wife. No matter how much time passes, he’ll still be gone and she’ll still be figuring out how to get through the hard days.

People that have never been affected by a life shattering event like to gloss over the lasting impact. They bounce between judgemental points of view like “You moved on too fast or are you still not over that?” It’s the worst. Don’t be one of those people.

Dates and similar circumstances trigger trauma and grief. It’s normal. And if all you do is get through today, congratulations, you are doing great. I always try to focus on a happy memory. Something funny, a joke, a trip, a good day, it always helps. And if I feel the tears coming, I let them. It’s good for the soul.

Loss is part of life. It’s a lesson that everyone has to learn eventually. And I truly believe that time does not make it easier. Not one bit. I hate that cliché. It gets easier because you embrace it. It gets easier because you decide to learn how to live with it. It gets easier because everyday that you meet the grief at the door and welcome it in…You get stronger.

And the good news is that everyday isn’t hard and that God is ever so faithful. He’s shown me that His plans are good. He’s shown me that if He deems it necessary to break you. He’ll put you back stronger than before.”

Praying for you,

Cassie 💜🙏

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